Tantric masturbation is a way of self-love where the ultimate goal is not so much an orgasm but mainly making contact with yourself. By consciously enjoying yourself and being aware of your body and the pleasure you experience, you feel deeply connected with yourself.
In this article, you can read all about tantric masturbation and how you can have a very satisfying sex life, even without a partner. When you have mastered the basic techniques and have built up some experience, you will love yourself profoundly and have beautiful spiritual experiences. I also mention how you can use specific exercises and tools to deepen the experience. Especially when you realize that a sexual relationship with a partner can be many times more intense, you will understand that a tantric solo sex practice is only the beginning of a beautiful spiritual journey in Tantraland.
What is Tantra?
Tantra is an ancient spiritual movement in which the discovery of personal identity is the main focus. The philosophy is to increase consciousness and let masculine and/or feminine energy flow (together). Tantra is the key to sexual pleasure and mental strength obtained through ritual.
With the application of tantric rituals, you can channel the sexual energy – the most powerful natural energy in the universe – and use it for spiritual growth, recovery from illness, and creativity. You learn to get the most out of life. Tantra is a way that encourages self-inquiry and mindfulness.
The ancient philosophy of life came to the west through globalization in the early 19th century, which was initially perceived as a secret occult power. Around the 60s of the last century, tantra was booming in the wake of the sexual revolution in the west. Tantra was synonymous with sexuality, openness, and liberation.
Since then, tantric practices have been heavily commercialized in books, toys, and workshops. The philosophy’s spiritual essence has disappeared to the background, and the focus is on the sexual experience for more powerful orgasms.
Tantric masturbation
Tantric masturbation is about solo pleasure and a deep connection with yourself. With masturbation, too, the emphasis is not on the orgasmic climax but the awareness of the bodily sensation and getting to know yourself erotically.
While orgasm can be seen as the culmination of masturbation, it is not the primary goal. Self-gratification can be used to reduce stress, improve self-esteem, or as a relaxation technique to improve sleep.
And since tantra is mainly aimed at getting to know yourself and how you experience pleasure, it’s, in fact, about self-care.
Tantric masturbation in practice
In tantric masturbation, you make love to yourself. Important points of interest are touch, breathing, mindfulness, and meditation. Unlike “normal masturbation,” where you primarily focus on orgasm, tantric solo sex focuses on the spiritual, the exploratory, and the attention.
Tantric masturbation should be the foundation of any sexual relationship, as self-knowledge is essential for having a fully spiritual and satisfying sexual experience with your partner.
Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra
Barbara Carrellas wrote the book Urban Tantra more than ten years ago with over a hundred simple techniques to take advantage of the thousands of years old tantra techniques for both solo and partner sex in a modern way. This in-depth guide makes the feeling of ecstasy accessible to everyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or erotic tastes.
Add heart coherence
Satisfying sex and heart coherence come very closely together within Tantric philosophy. By involving the heart, emotions, and positive feelings in sex, you can add a new dimension to your sex life. This applies to both solo sex and partner sex.
Tantra is about making contact with your feelings. You can also do this alone (look yourself in the eye in the mirror) or together with your partner. Heart coherence is a way to enrich the sexual experience and give your sex life an incredible boost and lift it to new heights.
Sexuality with deep feelings of inner joy is completely different from sex, where the goal is merely an ‘energetic release’. By involving emotions in the sexual act, you can have a much more intense experience, and the heart plays a significant role as a transmitter of electromagnetic energy. Several physiological processes change with heart coherence. In a state of heart coherence, there is a healthy collaboration of three factors:
- Heart rate variability
- Breathing
- Heartbeat rhythm
Intense feelings of happiness accompany a sense of heart coherence. Just imagine what a combination of sex and these feelings feels like.
How do you practice tantric masturbation?
1. Set an intention
In tantric practice, orgasm is never the goal itself, although it can happen. The goal is to generate and explore orgasmic energy – that is, the energy that discharges during the build-up to orgasm. This can and should be tailored to your personal needs and wishes at the moment.
Are you experiencing sexual shame? Realize that in a solo setting, you don’t have to be ashamed of yourself or anyone. The point is that you feel comfortable with your own body. Are you unsure about a particular body part? Then give this extra attention when you make love to yourself. Do you experience stress? Then focus yourself extra on relaxation during tantric masturbation.
Set a goal for each self-love session. What do you want to achieve, for example? Or what do you want to let go of in life? What do you want to manifest?
2. Create your own space
To make yourself as comfortable as possible, create a cozy space where you can feel completely safe and comfortable. Make it nice and warm, close the curtains, light a (scented) candle, and put on some relaxing music. These are just ideas because everyone has their own idea of comfort.
Create a nice place to have sex with yourself. Sexual energy only flows when you are comfortable and able to relax, so make sure to have plenty of pillows and blankets on hand.
During masturbation or meditation, the doorbell or your phone is the last thing you need. Therefore, it is wise to switch off the doorbell and put your phone on silent and preferably even leave it in another room.
3. Breathe
When you start your tantric masturbation, it is important – just like with meditation – to focus on your breathing. By calming your brain and making your breathing deeper and slower, your body also relaxes.
A successful tantric masturbation session depends on the breath. Proper breathing comes from the lower stomach and is fuller and more profound than normal. You can apply box-breathing, a breathing technique that maintains a “pattern of fours.” Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, and hold four counts. Then you repeat this cycle and continue until you are completely calm and relaxed. It will calm your mind and body and keep your mind from wandering again.
4. Feel your secondary erogenous zones
Erogenous zones are the sensitive areas on your body where there are many nerve endings. These spots are nice to be touched, to be stroked, licked, or kissed. While your genitals will certainly get attention, it’s important to stick to the secondary erogenous zones for now. These are, for example, the nipples, the neck, flanks of the trunk, the elbows, hands, wrists, groin, feet, and knees.
Use your fingertips to caress, slightly touch, tickle and massage yourself along each of these body parts, experimenting with the pressure, intensity, and speed of the touch. See for yourself what does and does not feel good and what excites you or not. That way, you can learn how to get aroused in other ways and eventually have a full body orgasm.
5. Masturbate in slow motion
First explore the secondary erogenous zones, then bring your attention to the primary erogenous zones. Just make sure to start slower than slow. While you may have been stimulating at full throttle before, caress, pat, and tickle yourself gently and slowly. There is no need to hurry or to stimulate yourself intensely. It’s all about slowly turning yourself on. Experiment with new ways of touching at a different pace than you are used to.
Women can try the following:
- rotate circles around the clit with your fingertips
- gently stimulate the clitoris diagonally and sideways
- tapping your clit hat
Men can try the following:
- stimulate the penis with both hands
- gently massage/roll both balls
- tapping or applying pressure to the perineum
- stimulation of the penis with the non-dominant hand
- squeezing the shaft of the penis gently or hard
- stimulation of the frenulum (the area near the skin crest of the glans)
Using lubricant can make the experience more intense and also increase the temptation to reach an orgasm. The advice is not to use lubricant until you are more experienced in controlling sexual urges. You can use lubricant all over your body, including the secondary erogenous zones, but make sure you use a water-based product and that it does not irritate the mucous membranes.
6. Add sounds to your experience
As you become more aroused, sounds can make your tantric masturbation experience more intense. The way you moan or make sounds resonates with the different chakras according to the tantra philosophy; deep humming sounds resonate with the lower chakras (ooooh and hmmmmmms), higher sounds like aaahhs and eeeehhhs with the higher chackra’s. The way you moan or make sounds resonates with the all chakras according to the tantric philosophy. With the lower tones, you activate the lower chakras, with the middle tones the chakras in the middle of the body and the higher tones, the higher chakras. You can compare it with the effect of singing bowls.
Especially if you are not yet comfortable making noises during sex or are still ashamed, let the sounds come and be too afraid to be too loud.
7. Use aids if desired
Yes, even if you don’t necessarily go for an orgasm, you can definitely use toys with your tantric masturbation. As long as they enhance the experience, anything is allowed. You can choose dildos, vibrators, anal toys, whiskers, anything that turns you on is allowed. Especially when using toys, it is advisable to use water-based lubricant.
Especially when you have a suitable toy for stimulating the G-spot, that is a great opportunity to stimulate it since the G-spot is a chakra.
8. Focus on breathing
While your goal is not to achieve orgasm, it will likely happen as you may not be able to resist it. If you feel an orgasm coming on, be sure to keep breathing well. Many people tend to breathe shallowly or hold their breath when they reach an orgasm, in fact, effectively suppressing their orgasmic energy.
When you focus on breathing and inhale deep and breathe out slowly your body relaxes and your sexual energy will build up tension. When you orgasm all that tension is released resulting in a much more satisfying climax.
9. Look yourself in the eye
When you can enjoy yourself in a tantric way and have mastered tantric masturbation, it is at the very least interesting to add a mirror to your masturbation sessions. A mirror adds an extra visual element where you can observe yourself during self-love.
A tantric exercise that couples can perform is eye gazing, where they look deeply into each other’s eyes for a long time. Of course, you can also do that for yourself. By looking yourself in the eye during your self-gratification, you become familiar with yourself, and you really come home to yourself.
Tantric masturbation techniques
Tantric masturbation techniques are derived from the principles and practices of Tantra. Tantra views sexuality as a sacred and transformative energy you can harness for personal growth, self-discovery, and spiritual connection. While tantric practices are often associated with partnered experiences, some techniques can be explored individually through masturbation. You can do this alone or together with your partner.
The following are some general concepts and techniques that you can incorporate into tantric masturbation:
Mindfulness and Presence: Tantra emphasizes being fully present in the moment and during masturbation. Begin by creating a sacred space for yourself, free from distractions, and set your intention to explore your body and sexuality with a sense of reverence and mindfulness.
Breathwork: Conscious breathing is a fundamental aspect of tantric practice. Focus on deep, slow breaths to help relax your body and bring awareness to the sensations you experience. Explore different breathing patterns, such as deep belly breaths or circular breathing, to enhance the energy flow in your body.
Self-Touch and Sensual Exploration: Tantric masturbation involves consciously touching and exploring your body. Slowly and gently caress yourself, paying attention to different areas and sensations. Play with the intensity of pressure on your skin, and don’t solely focus on the genitals; explore your entire body, including erogenous zones, with curiosity and pleasure.
Energy Circulation: Just like in Tantra with a partner, tantric masturbation also recognizes the flow of sexual energy throughout the body. As you masturbate and play with your breathing, visualize and imagine this energy moving through you, each breath starting from the genitals and spreading to other parts of your body. This practice can help expand your awareness of pleasure and intensify sensations.
Edging and Orgasm Control: Tantra encourages exploring heightened states of arousal by practicing edging, which involves approaching orgasm but then stopping or reducing stimulation. This technique can help build up sexual energy and deepen your experience. Experiment with different levels of control and find what works best for you.
Intentional Orgasm: In tantric practices, orgasm is not the primary focus. Instead, the goal is to expand your experience and explore the energy beyond the climax. When you reach orgasm, try to remain present and direct the energy throughout your body through breathwork and visualization.
Tantra is a personal journey for every individual, and the techniques that resonate with you may vary—approach tantric practices with self-compassion, respect for your boundaries, and a willingness to explore. Learn from your own experiences and practice what feels best for you.
What are the benefits of Tantric Masturbation?
1. Better, more enjoyable sex
The best way to find out what you like is to simply try it. Solo sex allows you to learn which touch, intensity, and rhythms you like best. Whether you put these experiences into practice with a partner or in your solo sessions doesn’t matter because your sexual pleasure will only increase.
2. More explosive orgasms
The longer you delay orgasm, the more built-up tension and the more powerful it will usually manifest. Again, orgasms are not the goal, but they are a very pleasant side effect when they occur.
3. Spiritual growth
Certainly, when you become more experienced with tantric experiences and start playing with energies, you will notice that your spiritual growth takes off. When you practice tantra, you become part of the universe, not only physically but also energetically.
4. Reinforced sense of self-compassion
Solo tantra is one of how you can get to know yourself in such a way that you become familiar with your body, your sexual urges, and how to control and play with them.
5. Less stress
During masturbation, your body runs at full speed to produce signal substances such as hormones and neurotransmitters, especially endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine. These chemicals are associated with a temporary mood boost and reduced symptoms of stress.
6. The beautiful O glow
Nothing is more beautiful than someone who enjoys sex. The skin glow comes from the rush of hormones and neurotransmitters.These neurochemicals stimulate blood flow to the surface of the skin and genitals and give you a beautiful glowing appearance.
Masturbating together with a partner
Most people associate masturbation with being single, but in a relationship, it can also be exciting to masturbate together or to masturbate while your partner watches. Especially the latter option is valuable because it allows your partner to see what excites you.
Masturbating together can be a great way to strengthen your relationship with your partner, build intimacy, and make your sex life more exciting. Tantric masturbation can help you do all of that even better.
Tantric sex play takes the pressure off you and your partner to get aroused and reach orgasm as quickly as possible. You can both focus on the sensations and feel each other instead.
When you masturbate together, try to touch yourself gently, keeping the breathing deep and regular while also looking deeply into each other’s eyes. It can be particularly intense and exciting to masturbate alone yet with your partner to climax.
Also, when you practice tantric masturbation while your partner is watching, it is crucial to maintain eye contact. As a spectator, it is then important to “groom” your partner after climax, hugging them. You can notice, just when your partner reaches climax, ‘le petit mort.’ Le petit mort is the moment when, just at the moment of orgasm, your partner loses control of the body and mind, and an ’empty look’ appears in the eyes.
Mutual tantric masturbation can help you communicate your sexual needs with your partner, show what you like and what turns you on, and how they can better indulge you when you have sex.
